Curse You!!

Is 27 April my unlucky day? My #17daysofhappiness shall end here. Sometimes plans just don't go according to what you've expected. Tigress boycott me today after her story of being bullied by her friends in school were known by our god-mother. Blame half on my big mouth and the other half  on Dylan. I told him because I can't stand it any longer. Just wanting to let my frustration out but he tell his mum. I'm not sure what exactly is the conversation between her and Tigress but I know Tigress didn't want to make a big fuss on it. Can you imagine, sitting alone on the first day of school when you have people you called 'friends'? Can you imagine, your so-called friends boycott you because according to them you are no smarter than them? Can you imagine your friends pour water on your bag just to prove that your bag is waterproof without reason? I  don't know why such bitchy people still exist. They are definitely not friends but BITCHES! Tigress is super stress in school with this kind of friends and I fell so helpless. Each time I hear her story, I can't be grateful enough to have such a great friends like Dylan, Wei Qi, Lynn, Chua, Audrie, Darunee, Alicia, Hung Yen and Ang in my life. Thanked them for my wonderful high school days. Thanked them for simply being awesome.

And I got slapped in PUBLIC by mum. Great! Just great! My holidays can't be any better. I was blame for something that was not even my fault. How can she say the standing fan in the living room spoilt because I was the one who set it up. FUCK YOU LA!! The whole house knows the fan spoilt because her po pui / anak emas / her golden son who dropped the fan. Curse you Kevin! Fuck you for the slap I received. Perhaps my language was a little rough but then I stand him very long liao lo. When he sit in the living room, I went to the kitchen. When I was watching tv, he came back, took the remote and change my channel away, I just walk away. To avoid further argument, I ran away. Let him has his way. For days being at home, everyone just leave him. Perhaps she just can't accept that it's Kevin fault. If it's his, she can't really scold him since he's the apple of her eyes. Finding a scapegoat and I became one. FUCK! No matter how hard I avoid him, at the end it will eventually come and bite me off.

That moment, I wished nothing more than the Earth to open up and just swallow me down. Save me all the embarrassment and the tears. Right now, I want wish for nothing but to cancel my flight on the 3rd and just pack my bag and go back KL by dawn tomorrow. What's the purpose of staying her if I'll be remind of the humiliation I receive? What's the purpose of me staying here if there's nothing more to hold me here? Wait. Maybe there's one. Xiao Ai. He's the reason that I'm home. He's the reason I'm looking forward to coming back every holidays. Pathetic right? The only thing that ties me is only a dog. Not my family members.

I want nothing more to go back and forget everything that happen here. No longer want to speak to her. What's the purpose of talking? No longer want to Skype with her every night. No longer wants to wait like an idiot in front of the laptop waiting her to go online. Hate her so much right now. Finding my solace. A place where there are everlasting happiness. A place where there are no tears. A place where everything is possible. Books is what I need now. ROMANCE! FANTASY! A place where there's love! That's the purpose of me actually reading. Finding a solace.

I think I finally got answers to questions I often asked, "Why do you want to be a pharmacist?". The answer is I want to impress Mum. I've tried to impress her since small, wanting that slight attention. Perhaps if I'm a little smarter, she'll pay attention to me. Perhaps if I become a Pharmacy, she'll start to notice me a little longer. She'll be proud of me being her daughter rather than her useless son. Few days before the finals, I asked myself, why am I still studying in science major when I clearly love business major. Why? Why? Why? And now I got my answers.

Can I just go KL, work by myself, financially support myself and go thru my foundation and degree myself? By then, I can show her I can live well without her money.

CURSE YOU with every drop of tears that flow tonight!!