4/5/2017 at 10.09 pm I made a promise to myself to spend more time with my siblings especially Kevin. I promise to be a nosy sister. To be more concern about him. Mommy has always been concern about him. And more than ever before, her complaints and concerns about Kevin are more frequently these days. She is worried about his studies and future. Mommy has voiced out that Kevin has drifted away from the family ever since Dad left us.
It was a difficult time for us all as we are all mourning for the loss. Never did I once consider how he is coping. It is perhaps that we are all mourning in our own ways that we have neglected him. We began to talk less, spend time less as a family and goes our own way. 9 years is a long period of time. Too long that we have forgotten what it is like to be a family, sitting down on the dining table eating together, talking and laughing together. 9 years is enough.
I went back home on the 28th April since labor day is on Monday. On Sunday at 7.00 pm, we received a call saying that my as fit as a fiddle Ku Kong (my maternal's grandmother's little brother) has passed away. It was a shock to us all as we just saw him at the hawker center when we had breakfast that morning. He passed away from heart attack while playing tennis that afternoon.
Life and fate is in God's hand. It made me realize that life is very fragile. It is just as one snap, your world come tumbling down. I realize that at this moment, if God take my life, I will leave this world full of regrets. Regrets for not being a good daughter to my mother and caring sisters to my siblings. I realize I need to change. I want to be a better daughter for my mother and a caring sisters to my siblings. I need to be attentive and up-to-dates with them. I want them to know that they can talk to me if ever they feel the need to talk to someone. We can talk about almost everything from studies to future careers, latest information, health related stuffs to relationship advice. Most importantly, I want my siblings to know that I will always be there for them.
I might not posted anything for a while now. But Mommy's health has deteriorate recently. Her recent blood test showed high levels of LDL (bad cholesterol) which are shocking at 5.2 mmol/L making her total cholesterol at 7.2 mmol/L. Normal LDL level is < 2.6 mmol/L. I discussed this with my pharmacist where I did my community attachment and Mr Bernard advised to start her on statin medication as fast as possible. The downside? Statin will weakens her heart and she will have to take another medication for that.
Personally, I would not want to put Mommy on such medication knowing the side effects. So I got around asking what others in my families are taking for their cholesterol. Ck Pa got to know about this and helped Mommy getting her medicine. When I went back this time round, Mommy complained of 'tired' heart. I am worried hearing about that. I did not manage to bring her to a doctor or her pharmacist to discuss the problem. I hope to do that when I am back in July.
On Tuesday (2/5/17) I had a chat with Kevin. I asked him about his future, how he is coping with it all. I am happy and worry to know that he wants to pursue his studies in Finance & Investment. Happy that he has a goal to achieve. He knows his path to the future. He even said that he went around to ask requirements for that course. That is one big steps. Worried that he assume that by taking Finance & Investment, he would just need to take money out and invest. That is a wrong way of thinking. I assume he was thinking to ask money for investment and investment is the easiest way to be rich. I hope I am wrong.
Brenda is also taking Finance & Investment. Mommy and I both think it is a great career for her as there are many working opportunities. She can be a finance adviser, investor etc. As for Kevin, I hope by the time he is 18, he would realize that investment is not all about taking money and invest. There are risk that follow. And since the economy is going down, I do not think many people would want to invest in big amounts. Business are failing everywhere. The are more empty shop lots than ever. It is sad to see people loses job everyday and applying for jobs at a minimum wages.
At the same time, I did also asked Kevin about his studies. How is he coping with Add Maths, Chemistry, Chinese? He got everything in control and even aim for 5As next year. I told him that even if As are not important, let's face the truth, one need good results to enter universities. The number of As determine your social standing and your future. It's true. Study harder and work harder are the two advice I gave out that day.
During the drive home, I also made him to promise me that he will take good care of Mommy. That he will help me monitor her food intake especially oily food (Mommy loves her fried keropok and fried banana). I want him to be more involve matters that concern the family. I told him Mommy's current health status and hope he is aware how important this is.
Chinese culture prioritize sons more than daughters. As Eric is still small, I hope Kevin would step up and take the role to be one of the decision maker in the house. Being a decision maker or leader is not easy. Your decisions would have to consider everyone in family and make sure everyone is happy. Along the way, I have made a few decisions with Mommy. It is hard and tough. I would not want to be blame if anything goes wrong and for decision I make, it was through several considerations, factors, impacts etc.
I would gladly pass the baton and sit back. At the age of 16, I think it is time for Kevin to step up to that place. I would have to discuss matters concerning the family with more and look on the options we have together. I want him to know he is part of the family and his opinions matters. I hope this would change over time. I want to bring my family back together.
Is this how parenting works? Gosh. It is tiring. I salute all parents out there. I need to find a way to bring Kevin closer to us and have him know that we are above his heng tai. That we will always be right behind him to support him. I made a promise tonight to guide him and show more love to him. One day, he will know that family always come first.
That is the promise I made to myself tonight.
With much love,
Karen
