My head hurts so much right now. It is almost 3 am and I have early morning class tomorrow. Just need to find someone to talk to but who at this hour of time?
This is a little arguments I had with JH. She got angry today that claiming that i always didnt wait for her.
I think that is a very selfish accusations. I didnt wait for you? 😏 I think over the two years I waited for you more than you for me. I hate tardiness. In fact, i hate it with every fiber of my existence. And my friend here is just what they call it the-last-minute girl. She's never on time for classes, meetings, boarding the plane and the list goes on.
Here I am always 20 minutes early for class. This has not happen once. It happens everytime. Till the fact that sometimes i would feel as if she lied just for me to wait for her. So how dare you, saying I never waited for you. In fact, all I do was waited till I got bored.
You dont really get to be angry with people when you are always late. As the matter of fact, its not that I dont wait for you today. I waited. But you say what? You're still at home. The talk started at 11 am. Im going to school early to have lunch with friends. You say why bo jio? Did you ask if we are having early lunch or what's our plan for today? No! Coz you just assume that we are going to have lunch at 1pm after the talk. Problem is we had another event which requires us to sign in at 1.30 pm.
From how well I know you, you are just going to assume we are going to sign in late since the event start at 2pm. I guess I can see where this goes in future. I dont really think we can be friends for long. Just like how you take my credits away for something that you dont even put effort into. Im tired.
I may not complain on the outside but it doesnt mean i like to wait. Akmost every week wait for you on an average 10-20 minutes i guess at the end of the day, i dont really owe you anything. Why am i subjected to the waiting torture? In fact, i am perfectly happy doing groceries shopping, etc at my own. I have myself to accompany. I dont need you.
As the matter of truth, when you are around, you are always dragging my time away. For instance, i am going to Gianf to buy some groceries. My plan is go buy and come out, headed home to rest. But with you around, i am suppose to walk the whole suoermarket. In long terms, this is in fact tiring.
Yes, you dont see me pull face or complain about you on others because i believe that is not my nature. While you strive in gossips, i dont. I am happy to come back to my four walls sanctuary to sleep, watching dramas or simply just doing my own things.
We are indeed two veey different individuals. And if you are going to be mad each time and finding things to quarrel onto, i guess im done. No point of wasting time and effort on something that makes me so unhappy. Life before you is happy and i believe life after you will also be a happy one. Just some advice, not every one loves to wait. You get mad when you waited for me but what about me who is always waiting for you too.
In court, you will be said unfair from seeing one sided view. You always think about yourself. Never others. I guess we dont need to argue on this anymore. I also dont want to argue with people with kuaci brain. Waste my time, happiness and effort. So lets finish this less than 2 remaining years and then go separate ways, okay? Cause at this rate, i dont even know if i want to be friends with you anymore.
Tuesday 26 September 2017
Thursday 4 May 2017
A Promise I Made
A Promise I Made To Myself
4/5/2017 at 10.09 pm I made a promise to myself to spend more time with my siblings especially Kevin. I promise to be a nosy sister. To be more concern about him. Mommy has always been concern about him. And more than ever before, her complaints and concerns about Kevin are more frequently these days. She is worried about his studies and future. Mommy has voiced out that Kevin has drifted away from the family ever since Dad left us.
It was a difficult time for us all as we are all mourning for the loss. Never did I once consider how he is coping. It is perhaps that we are all mourning in our own ways that we have neglected him. We began to talk less, spend time less as a family and goes our own way. 9 years is a long period of time. Too long that we have forgotten what it is like to be a family, sitting down on the dining table eating together, talking and laughing together. 9 years is enough.
I went back home on the 28th April since labor day is on Monday. On Sunday at 7.00 pm, we received a call saying that my as fit as a fiddle Ku Kong (my maternal's grandmother's little brother) has passed away. It was a shock to us all as we just saw him at the hawker center when we had breakfast that morning. He passed away from heart attack while playing tennis that afternoon.
Life and fate is in God's hand. It made me realize that life is very fragile. It is just as one snap, your world come tumbling down. I realize that at this moment, if God take my life, I will leave this world full of regrets. Regrets for not being a good daughter to my mother and caring sisters to my siblings. I realize I need to change. I want to be a better daughter for my mother and a caring sisters to my siblings. I need to be attentive and up-to-dates with them. I want them to know that they can talk to me if ever they feel the need to talk to someone. We can talk about almost everything from studies to future careers, latest information, health related stuffs to relationship advice. Most importantly, I want my siblings to know that I will always be there for them.
I might not posted anything for a while now. But Mommy's health has deteriorate recently. Her recent blood test showed high levels of LDL (bad cholesterol) which are shocking at 5.2 mmol/L making her total cholesterol at 7.2 mmol/L. Normal LDL level is < 2.6 mmol/L. I discussed this with my pharmacist where I did my community attachment and Mr Bernard advised to start her on statin medication as fast as possible. The downside? Statin will weakens her heart and she will have to take another medication for that.
Personally, I would not want to put Mommy on such medication knowing the side effects. So I got around asking what others in my families are taking for their cholesterol. Ck Pa got to know about this and helped Mommy getting her medicine. When I went back this time round, Mommy complained of 'tired' heart. I am worried hearing about that. I did not manage to bring her to a doctor or her pharmacist to discuss the problem. I hope to do that when I am back in July.
On Tuesday (2/5/17) I had a chat with Kevin. I asked him about his future, how he is coping with it all. I am happy and worry to know that he wants to pursue his studies in Finance & Investment. Happy that he has a goal to achieve. He knows his path to the future. He even said that he went around to ask requirements for that course. That is one big steps. Worried that he assume that by taking Finance & Investment, he would just need to take money out and invest. That is a wrong way of thinking. I assume he was thinking to ask money for investment and investment is the easiest way to be rich. I hope I am wrong.
Brenda is also taking Finance & Investment. Mommy and I both think it is a great career for her as there are many working opportunities. She can be a finance adviser, investor etc. As for Kevin, I hope by the time he is 18, he would realize that investment is not all about taking money and invest. There are risk that follow. And since the economy is going down, I do not think many people would want to invest in big amounts. Business are failing everywhere. The are more empty shop lots than ever. It is sad to see people loses job everyday and applying for jobs at a minimum wages.
At the same time, I did also asked Kevin about his studies. How is he coping with Add Maths, Chemistry, Chinese? He got everything in control and even aim for 5As next year. I told him that even if As are not important, let's face the truth, one need good results to enter universities. The number of As determine your social standing and your future. It's true. Study harder and work harder are the two advice I gave out that day.
During the drive home, I also made him to promise me that he will take good care of Mommy. That he will help me monitor her food intake especially oily food (Mommy loves her fried keropok and fried banana). I want him to be more involve matters that concern the family. I told him Mommy's current health status and hope he is aware how important this is.
Chinese culture prioritize sons more than daughters. As Eric is still small, I hope Kevin would step up and take the role to be one of the decision maker in the house. Being a decision maker or leader is not easy. Your decisions would have to consider everyone in family and make sure everyone is happy. Along the way, I have made a few decisions with Mommy. It is hard and tough. I would not want to be blame if anything goes wrong and for decision I make, it was through several considerations, factors, impacts etc.
I would gladly pass the baton and sit back. At the age of 16, I think it is time for Kevin to step up to that place. I would have to discuss matters concerning the family with more and look on the options we have together. I want him to know he is part of the family and his opinions matters. I hope this would change over time. I want to bring my family back together.
Is this how parenting works? Gosh. It is tiring. I salute all parents out there. I need to find a way to bring Kevin closer to us and have him know that we are above his heng tai. That we will always be right behind him to support him. I made a promise tonight to guide him and show more love to him. One day, he will know that family always come first.
That is the promise I made to myself tonight.
4/5/2017 at 10.09 pm I made a promise to myself to spend more time with my siblings especially Kevin. I promise to be a nosy sister. To be more concern about him. Mommy has always been concern about him. And more than ever before, her complaints and concerns about Kevin are more frequently these days. She is worried about his studies and future. Mommy has voiced out that Kevin has drifted away from the family ever since Dad left us.
It was a difficult time for us all as we are all mourning for the loss. Never did I once consider how he is coping. It is perhaps that we are all mourning in our own ways that we have neglected him. We began to talk less, spend time less as a family and goes our own way. 9 years is a long period of time. Too long that we have forgotten what it is like to be a family, sitting down on the dining table eating together, talking and laughing together. 9 years is enough.
I went back home on the 28th April since labor day is on Monday. On Sunday at 7.00 pm, we received a call saying that my as fit as a fiddle Ku Kong (my maternal's grandmother's little brother) has passed away. It was a shock to us all as we just saw him at the hawker center when we had breakfast that morning. He passed away from heart attack while playing tennis that afternoon.
Life and fate is in God's hand. It made me realize that life is very fragile. It is just as one snap, your world come tumbling down. I realize that at this moment, if God take my life, I will leave this world full of regrets. Regrets for not being a good daughter to my mother and caring sisters to my siblings. I realize I need to change. I want to be a better daughter for my mother and a caring sisters to my siblings. I need to be attentive and up-to-dates with them. I want them to know that they can talk to me if ever they feel the need to talk to someone. We can talk about almost everything from studies to future careers, latest information, health related stuffs to relationship advice. Most importantly, I want my siblings to know that I will always be there for them.
I might not posted anything for a while now. But Mommy's health has deteriorate recently. Her recent blood test showed high levels of LDL (bad cholesterol) which are shocking at 5.2 mmol/L making her total cholesterol at 7.2 mmol/L. Normal LDL level is < 2.6 mmol/L. I discussed this with my pharmacist where I did my community attachment and Mr Bernard advised to start her on statin medication as fast as possible. The downside? Statin will weakens her heart and she will have to take another medication for that.
Personally, I would not want to put Mommy on such medication knowing the side effects. So I got around asking what others in my families are taking for their cholesterol. Ck Pa got to know about this and helped Mommy getting her medicine. When I went back this time round, Mommy complained of 'tired' heart. I am worried hearing about that. I did not manage to bring her to a doctor or her pharmacist to discuss the problem. I hope to do that when I am back in July.
On Tuesday (2/5/17) I had a chat with Kevin. I asked him about his future, how he is coping with it all. I am happy and worry to know that he wants to pursue his studies in Finance & Investment. Happy that he has a goal to achieve. He knows his path to the future. He even said that he went around to ask requirements for that course. That is one big steps. Worried that he assume that by taking Finance & Investment, he would just need to take money out and invest. That is a wrong way of thinking. I assume he was thinking to ask money for investment and investment is the easiest way to be rich. I hope I am wrong.
Brenda is also taking Finance & Investment. Mommy and I both think it is a great career for her as there are many working opportunities. She can be a finance adviser, investor etc. As for Kevin, I hope by the time he is 18, he would realize that investment is not all about taking money and invest. There are risk that follow. And since the economy is going down, I do not think many people would want to invest in big amounts. Business are failing everywhere. The are more empty shop lots than ever. It is sad to see people loses job everyday and applying for jobs at a minimum wages.
At the same time, I did also asked Kevin about his studies. How is he coping with Add Maths, Chemistry, Chinese? He got everything in control and even aim for 5As next year. I told him that even if As are not important, let's face the truth, one need good results to enter universities. The number of As determine your social standing and your future. It's true. Study harder and work harder are the two advice I gave out that day.
During the drive home, I also made him to promise me that he will take good care of Mommy. That he will help me monitor her food intake especially oily food (Mommy loves her fried keropok and fried banana). I want him to be more involve matters that concern the family. I told him Mommy's current health status and hope he is aware how important this is.
Chinese culture prioritize sons more than daughters. As Eric is still small, I hope Kevin would step up and take the role to be one of the decision maker in the house. Being a decision maker or leader is not easy. Your decisions would have to consider everyone in family and make sure everyone is happy. Along the way, I have made a few decisions with Mommy. It is hard and tough. I would not want to be blame if anything goes wrong and for decision I make, it was through several considerations, factors, impacts etc.
I would gladly pass the baton and sit back. At the age of 16, I think it is time for Kevin to step up to that place. I would have to discuss matters concerning the family with more and look on the options we have together. I want him to know he is part of the family and his opinions matters. I hope this would change over time. I want to bring my family back together.
Is this how parenting works? Gosh. It is tiring. I salute all parents out there. I need to find a way to bring Kevin closer to us and have him know that we are above his heng tai. That we will always be right behind him to support him. I made a promise tonight to guide him and show more love to him. One day, he will know that family always come first.
That is the promise I made to myself tonight.
With much love,
Karen
Thursday 19 January 2017
Letter to My Dog
19 January will mark Xiao Ai's 5th birthday. My boy is FIVE already? I still remember the day we got him. He was so tiny. I can lift him with only one hand. He has grown to such beautiful soul. He has taught me a lot. And from him, I learn a lot. I never thought that I can love someone else besides myself so much. That my heart has that capability of loving so deeply. Xiao Ai has changed my life completely the moment he enters into it 5 years ago. And still continue doing so. I am amazed at such an incredible creature that has so much to give yet expect nothing back.
Praises of him are all I heard each time I called home. It would be Xiao Ai this and Xiao Ai that. Praises that none I take credit for. I keep this incident very dearly to my heart. On a usual routine day at home, around noon Popo would have her tea time which consist of decaf coffee and a loaf of bread. She would share her bread with Xiao Ai despite I said no. I was very particularly worried about the amount preservatives bakers put into the bread and also how Xiao Ai was getting very choosy about his meal. I am afraid that he was getting too used to eating bread that he does not want his kibbles anymore.
One day, when I called home, talking to Grandma, I was asking about Xiao Ai, as usual. Grandma, in a amazed tone, telling me that she was feeding Xiao Ai with bread as per routine. She noticed that Xiao Ai on that particular day was not eating his given bread. He took one of the two piece of bread given, bite off and bring it outside of the house. He laid the bread on the floor, went in to get another piece for himself. What amazed Grandma was that he was sharing his piece of bread with our Labrador, Jacky who is old and weak.
I am so proud of him upon hearing this. The love he has for others is amazing. In a house with 5 dogs, it is a shamed thing to say that Xiao Ai is receiving more love and attention. Being a poodle means his fur does not shed as easily as others and this means that he can be around us without causing asthma attack to my sister. And because of that also, he is allowed to roam freely inside the house. This means that we actually spend 18-20 hours daily with him.
I posted videos and photos of him frequently on my Instagram. I would have friends that asked why Xiao Ai is so discipline and well-manner. Or how do we trained him to not eat off food on the table. Discipline with Xiao Ai is very strict. He is taught from young to know that certain behaviors are not acceptable. Such behaviors include eating food from the table, digging the trash can for leftovers or eating scrapes of rubbish on the road. Breaking the rules would be a serious offence. As in all Asian houses, the fastest way to discipline is through beating. I strictly condemn abusing. We are not abusing him. It would be a hand beating at his butt or mouth just to remind him of what he had done wrong.
This video was circulating thru my Facebook feed for a few days. Despite a few couple of giggles because I find the dog standing was too cute, I find it terrifying that the dog was so afraid that it started to cower away. I do not watched till the end. I cannot bare it. I have my fair experience with dog owners who abuse their dog. I heard and seen enough. I just do not understand their mentally. They decided to adopt a dog of fierce breeds like Doberman, Rottweiler or German Shepard to guard house but at the same time they are worried that the dog would be a threat to their younger kids. So much that the beating and abusing start.
I also wanted to raise another issue. Dogs like Poodles that do not shed as often as other dog would require frequent grooming. Till Xiao Ai was at the age of 3, we groomed him ourself with scissors. Believe me when I say that it takes a lot of hard work to maintain a dog. I was introduced to this female groomer two years back and I only send Xiao Ai for grooming during the New Year. I do not particularly fond of this groomer because one, she was not on time for our first meeting. We waited for her at the car park of her apartment with an overly anxious dog in the car for almost an hour. When we met, she took Xiao Ai with her and said she was leaving my dog to buy breakfast. Mind you, it was about 12 and we set the appointment at 10 in the morning. I insisted to be there the whole grooming session. After chatting up, she was just a student, learning grooming at that time. Doing grooming part-time to practice her skills. No proper blower or shaver. We need to go twice for the grooming sessions as one session she can only manage to do the blowing. It was harsh on Xiao Ai as he needs to be on feet almost 6 hours.
I actually avoid groomer as much as I can. I would rather spend an hour or two of my day to groom him myself. I feel rest-assured that way. I have seen to much cases of groomer abusing dogs. It actually terrifies me. After each grooming sessions, I would observe his behavior and eating habit once at home. It is also important to check for cuts and trauma signs. A responsible groomer would inform pet owners on the accidental cuts that happen during grooming sessions so owners can be on look out for possible inflammation.
This is just one of the many videos caught on act of groomer abusing pets under their care. I do not know where this take place nor do I want to know. I feel so bad for that dog. I hope with this video circulating around, it would reach the dog's owner.
Dear Xiao Ai,
Today marks your 5th birthday. The past five years with you in it is amazing. You taught me to take life as it is and be strong for whatever that comes on my way. You are there when I am sad, crying my tears out. Licking away all my sadness. You are there when I am happy. Ready to share my joy. I love you as you are and wish nothing but for your health.
Nothing beats seeing you waiting for me at the door each time I reach home. I miss our late night talks thru my bedroom window when everyone else is sleeping. When there is only you and me. I know I have lots of broken promises to you. Still, on my words, I promise to take you more on evening walks and trips to beaches where you enjoy exploring. I promise you no more dips in the water if you are not fond of it. But, the sea water really helps with your skin. I'll see what I can do on that.
I try not to think of life without you in it. I will take what I have and cherish the moments that we are together. I hope to celebrate another 5 years, 10 years and dare I hope 15 years with you on this day. You are the candy to my cane. I love you! Happy Birthday!
Love,
Your Mimi
Praises of him are all I heard each time I called home. It would be Xiao Ai this and Xiao Ai that. Praises that none I take credit for. I keep this incident very dearly to my heart. On a usual routine day at home, around noon Popo would have her tea time which consist of decaf coffee and a loaf of bread. She would share her bread with Xiao Ai despite I said no. I was very particularly worried about the amount preservatives bakers put into the bread and also how Xiao Ai was getting very choosy about his meal. I am afraid that he was getting too used to eating bread that he does not want his kibbles anymore.
One day, when I called home, talking to Grandma, I was asking about Xiao Ai, as usual. Grandma, in a amazed tone, telling me that she was feeding Xiao Ai with bread as per routine. She noticed that Xiao Ai on that particular day was not eating his given bread. He took one of the two piece of bread given, bite off and bring it outside of the house. He laid the bread on the floor, went in to get another piece for himself. What amazed Grandma was that he was sharing his piece of bread with our Labrador, Jacky who is old and weak.
I am so proud of him upon hearing this. The love he has for others is amazing. In a house with 5 dogs, it is a shamed thing to say that Xiao Ai is receiving more love and attention. Being a poodle means his fur does not shed as easily as others and this means that he can be around us without causing asthma attack to my sister. And because of that also, he is allowed to roam freely inside the house. This means that we actually spend 18-20 hours daily with him.
I posted videos and photos of him frequently on my Instagram. I would have friends that asked why Xiao Ai is so discipline and well-manner. Or how do we trained him to not eat off food on the table. Discipline with Xiao Ai is very strict. He is taught from young to know that certain behaviors are not acceptable. Such behaviors include eating food from the table, digging the trash can for leftovers or eating scrapes of rubbish on the road. Breaking the rules would be a serious offence. As in all Asian houses, the fastest way to discipline is through beating. I strictly condemn abusing. We are not abusing him. It would be a hand beating at his butt or mouth just to remind him of what he had done wrong.
This video was circulating thru my Facebook feed for a few days. Despite a few couple of giggles because I find the dog standing was too cute, I find it terrifying that the dog was so afraid that it started to cower away. I do not watched till the end. I cannot bare it. I have my fair experience with dog owners who abuse their dog. I heard and seen enough. I just do not understand their mentally. They decided to adopt a dog of fierce breeds like Doberman, Rottweiler or German Shepard to guard house but at the same time they are worried that the dog would be a threat to their younger kids. So much that the beating and abusing start.
I also wanted to raise another issue. Dogs like Poodles that do not shed as often as other dog would require frequent grooming. Till Xiao Ai was at the age of 3, we groomed him ourself with scissors. Believe me when I say that it takes a lot of hard work to maintain a dog. I was introduced to this female groomer two years back and I only send Xiao Ai for grooming during the New Year. I do not particularly fond of this groomer because one, she was not on time for our first meeting. We waited for her at the car park of her apartment with an overly anxious dog in the car for almost an hour. When we met, she took Xiao Ai with her and said she was leaving my dog to buy breakfast. Mind you, it was about 12 and we set the appointment at 10 in the morning. I insisted to be there the whole grooming session. After chatting up, she was just a student, learning grooming at that time. Doing grooming part-time to practice her skills. No proper blower or shaver. We need to go twice for the grooming sessions as one session she can only manage to do the blowing. It was harsh on Xiao Ai as he needs to be on feet almost 6 hours.
Groomed him the other day when I went back for my study break.
Took me 2 hours with three bags full of fur
I actually avoid groomer as much as I can. I would rather spend an hour or two of my day to groom him myself. I feel rest-assured that way. I have seen to much cases of groomer abusing dogs. It actually terrifies me. After each grooming sessions, I would observe his behavior and eating habit once at home. It is also important to check for cuts and trauma signs. A responsible groomer would inform pet owners on the accidental cuts that happen during grooming sessions so owners can be on look out for possible inflammation.
This is just one of the many videos caught on act of groomer abusing pets under their care. I do not know where this take place nor do I want to know. I feel so bad for that dog. I hope with this video circulating around, it would reach the dog's owner.
Dear Xiao Ai,
Today marks your 5th birthday. The past five years with you in it is amazing. You taught me to take life as it is and be strong for whatever that comes on my way. You are there when I am sad, crying my tears out. Licking away all my sadness. You are there when I am happy. Ready to share my joy. I love you as you are and wish nothing but for your health.
Nothing beats seeing you waiting for me at the door each time I reach home. I miss our late night talks thru my bedroom window when everyone else is sleeping. When there is only you and me. I know I have lots of broken promises to you. Still, on my words, I promise to take you more on evening walks and trips to beaches where you enjoy exploring. I promise you no more dips in the water if you are not fond of it. But, the sea water really helps with your skin. I'll see what I can do on that.
I try not to think of life without you in it. I will take what I have and cherish the moments that we are together. I hope to celebrate another 5 years, 10 years and dare I hope 15 years with you on this day. You are the candy to my cane. I love you! Happy Birthday!
Love,
Your Mimi
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